Matters of Life and Death

I’ve got cancer
Yes I’ve got cancer
It’s in my bowels
In my liver and lymph nodes
It’s at stage four
And I know you’re
Surely wondering
Just how well for me it bodes

Well the answer
Isn’t blowing in the wind
There is no chance
That this cancer will rescind
But as long as
Assembled doctors still agree
Then I might last a bit longer with chemo and surgery

My prognosis
I’m afraid that it is grim
Of survival
Well the chances they are slim
For in five years
Well the best than can be said
Is it’s absolutely likely that I’ll probably be dead

If you’ve started wondering why I’m telling you this now
And you’ve already commenced yawning
Well I urge you to sit up and take notice of this bit
For it serves as a word of warning

For my cancer
Was discovered far too late
And I hope that
You avoid my certain fate
So for starters
If asked for a screening test
Then return it right away
To ensure your health’s at its best

As for symptoms
Even if so very slight
You’d do well to
See the NHS website
For specifics
And if you have a premonition
Act straight away without delay
And consult your physician

If uncertain
Then the best thing you can do
Is to occasio-nally
Monitor your poo
If it changes
Or if you notice any blood
Then tell your doctor
Faster than I ever thought I could

Because honestly I acted too late
And ignored the symptoms far too long
So please make sure you don’t hesitate
And remember this song

If you’re younger
Cancer may seem quite absurd
And you may well
Have to shout just to be heard
But for my sake
Please do persevere
Because if you catch this early
You’re more likely to be here

So with the few short
Months or years that I have left
I’ll tell my story
So fewer people are bereft
Of the long life
That I for one don’t have ahead

For it’s absolutely likely
Well neigh odds on certain
Absolutely likely that I’ll
Pro-ba-bly be dead…
I’ll be dead!

Construct a mental finish line they say

To make it through the most difficult nights 

that turn relentlessly to days

As they turn into weeks it’s hard to keep 

the mental peace

When positivity and hope give way

In theory, I can tolerate the pain

From dull aches to those intense waves that rip right through you

Over and again

The needles turn to swords as I lie in the

Cancer ward and wish that I was well enough to even just feel bored

But some fine day I’ll ring the bell

To proclaim I’ve emerged from living hell

I’ll bid a sweet farewell to this oncology

With glorious campanology

And with this sound declare, that I will live

For some time longer

I’ll sound a fanfare from within my soul

Even if my lungs and lips cannot produce a solitary note

As I approach the podium I’ll end

The longest ultra marathon that I can comprehend

And I’ll ring to prove that my life still has value

That I’ve more fight than even I knew

Time to live and not just be

And with all the strength my withered arms can muster

I’ll ring it even louder

And with a voice reduced to a whisper

Will yell ‘I’m cancer free…’

I’ll see assembled faces fill with tears

To make amends for those that will be shed for my sake in the next few years

And though there may be more bells to ring

I’ll gladly put those thoughts aside

As my heart dares to hope and sing…

Some fine day I’ll ring the bell

To proclaim I’ve emerged from living hell

And even if there’ll be no campanology

They’ve give up oncology

Yet still I will declare, that I will live

For some time longer

I am still alive; I’m not dead yet

And it’s not really inspiring

To just say that I’m respiring

But I’ve caught a glimpse of 

How bad things can get

And it’s clear my respiration

Is a cause for celebration

‘Cause I’ll still here

I’m still here

I turned up

To today

And if that’s all

I can give

To the world

Then that’s enough?

That’s ok

It’s true I’m half the man I used to be

My bones and muscles wasted

Food sitting there untasted

My voice made humble by the agony

As I gently call in pity

Well the gods they still ignore me.

But now it’s time

To live my way

No more pause

To wonder if to say

I’ll take what I want

I’ll dream in to the sky

And if the world refuses

It doesn’t matter

I’m alive

I’m still here

What do you do with one to five years?

What do you do with one to five years?

What do you do with one to five years?

Firstly just survive

[im doing quite well with this – just look at my continued ability to breathe!]

Get through surgery and chemo

Get through surgery and chemo

Get through surgery and chemo

Then feel better for a bit

Hooray and up he rises

Hooray and up he rises

No alarms and no surprises

For another day

[Seriously – every day I wake up and congratulate myself for being alive- you’ve got to take those small victories!]

What do you do when feeling better

What do you do when feeling better

What do you do when feeling better

Time to do some living!

[But what does that actually mean? Like – do I need a bucket list or something? I’ve already swam with dolphins and climbed up mountains and stuff…hmmm]

Run at least 100 miles

Then a music marathon

And a cancer concept album

Then perform it solo!

[Yes – e.g. this song – are you not entertained?!]

What do you do with under five years?

Guess I won’t live to my forties

I could be dead any time now

No need for that long life milk!

[Sometimes I look at the best before dates on perishable foods and wonder which of us will expire first!]

What do you do with not long left?

I’ll be dead soon anyway

I could make the most of that

Why not something dangerous!

[Ok – just in case my family are listening – This isn’t completely serious, but there must be some advantages to being a dying man surely?!]

Clear those land mines in Ukraine

Feed a hungry crocodile

Test some brand new bungee chords

Or try out new material

[yes – like right now – in this song – do you like it? Bit of a risk eh! I hope the reviews are good because I won’t exactly have time to repair my reputation with a more mature and acclaimed second album!]

So

What do you do with one to five years?

What do you do with one to five years?

What do you do with one to five years?

[learn to play the piano properly!]

It’s a beautiful day to die

The sun is in the sky

And I may as well see it set once more

As long as I’m still alive

And if I see it rise

Just another time

I guess that’s one more breath of joy

In this curtailed life

Because I’m going

Of that I can be certain

Yes I’m going

Ready or not

Because I’m going

However much we hope and fight

So save your tears

I’m going anyway

Now as the nights draw in

I’m left wondering

How many days will pass me by

Before my end begins

And as the seasons turn

Will I ever learn

To live right in the hear and now

At the point of no return

Because I’m going

Of that I can be certain

Yes I’m going

Ready or not

Because I’m going

However much we hope and fight

So save your tears

I’m going Anyway